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Gaslighting: How to Recognize

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation. It seeks to sow the seeds of doubt in the targeted individual. The goal of the gaslighter is to make the victim question her own perception, memory, and sanity.

Befriending you and getting information from friends and family are ways for the abuser to get information on how to undermine your mental health. If you have even a minor mental problem, it will be greatly exaggerated and discussed a lot.

Dominate or destroy is the basic premise of gaslighting. Usually, early childhood problems develop in the unbalanced mind of the offender. Anger and jealousy are often at the root of the situation.

This is not a one-time or temporary situation. It often goes on indefinitely until a crisis sheds light on the situation. Concealment is a hallmark of this form of mental and emotional abuse. Isolation and emotional manipulation are also common tactics.

My sister has been undermining my life, my role in our family, and my spirit for decades. I’m not surprised the abuse of her has escalated beyond vicious gossip and backbiting. As she gained recruits for her cause of discarding me, her sense of power increased. She needed to wield that power as often and as fully as she could.

I avoided meeting someone in their world. It is not known how many versions of falsehoods have been repeated. His efforts to convince everyone that I am delusional and that my mother has total dementia were constant.

There is a term called ‘double doc’ing’. If two doctors consider a person to have dementia, a third (my older sister) might order care. The plan was to put my mother in a care facility against her will and finish her off. Her life was blocking the use of family land.

She lived in fear and I joined her. As soon as I arrived and blocked her residence at the Lexington Place care center, I became the target. Immediately, my state of mind and the way she behaved towards me were in question.

We both feared the end. When mom passed away, I became an open target. The police were at my door with an eviction notice within days of her memorial. A judge gave me and 10 elderly rescue animals five days to evict.

Friends or dogs intervened and I had no choice but to plan a long camping trip to the lake. I literally cringe in fear. Gabapentin kept alcohol cravings at bay, but it became risky. After giving Mom’s eulogy, I started to shut down emotionally.

After the judge spoke, I left the courtroom. They were calling me for reduced costs but I barely had gas to get home. I pulled up to our tiny trailer in the middle of Piney Woods and collapsed. I needed to grieve my mother.

Soon, more police. I walked out with my new Texas license in hand. I shook hands with both officers and apologized. I told them that my sister Cindy was using them to harass me. Clearly, they expected to find me in an altered state. I told the paramedics who joined them that I was willing to take any tests. There’s no need.

My sister is not finished. Her anger runs through her soul. She has gotten soggy and festering over the years since she started around high school age. Shaking up my mental health and emotional stability is the goal. Constantly reminding others of my perceived or real weakness keeps destructive energy alive.

No victim has to remain on paper. I was surprised to defend my state of mind on multiple occasions but no one detected a serious flaw. Depression/anxiety problems are now a constant. One 10mg. Lexapro has now morphed into 8 meds a day since I came to live near my family.

Gaslighting is a serious abuse. It does more damage than it looks. When a person’s core is attacked, survival instincts kick in. I no longer feel safe being alone in the room with my sister. He has often suggested that I may be violent. He would stab himself and throw the knife away and say I did it. It’s that advanced in my case.

“Stop sharing what’s going on on ‘social media’ or you’re going to get hurt,” he growled. Her husband chimed in: “And so will she.” I told him that I didn’t know that our people physically threatened each other. My advanced degenerative disc disease quickly reminded me how vulnerable I am to injury.

My situation went too far. I couldn’t leave my mother’s side and it was unbearable to bear. Seeing my mother vanish after burying my little sister caused me to have a total meltdown. I had to be hospitalized. It was necessary.

I saw how a person could take my sensitive heart and kind nature and use it to try to crush me. I knew I would stay and take care of Mom, but I wanted the credit for being the caring daughter. When I arrived and found her living in filth, I almost called adult services.

Cleaning up that whole place was what was needed, but with my sister’s constant attacks, she was never at peace for any length of time. We did what we could and extended his life a few years by rescuing abused animals. That part of this journey sustained us both.

Today, I am learning that the elders in my family announced to me that I am delusional and ‘hooked on pills’. There is not a grain of truth, but dad, my doting aunt, and some nieces are worried. It irritates my soul to know that I caused concern. My sister revels in drama.

My feeling is that without divine intervention or a complete breakdown, my gaslighter will find the rage and energy to continue trying to reduce my value in the world indefinitely. It’s such a dark mess. Many do not recover. But I choose to stop being a victim.

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