Parenting Today’s Teens: Six Tips for Reducing Stress
Family life with teens can be hectic. There may be activities before and after school, and some teens even have part-time jobs. In addition to this, the attraction of technology reduces face-to-face communication. The challenge for you as parents is to make the most of the time you have with your teenagers, preparing them for adulthood as they transform from “self” into independent and responsible adults, but at the same time minimizing the “stress factor” . . “These are my top six tips for reducing parental stress and improving communication at home, while at the same time giving your teens a chance to develop some life skills.
1. Don’t say; Suggest: Recognize that your children are becoming young adults and, as adults, are expected to make decisions for themselves, so start preparing them by making suggestions. When you say something to them, you are saying, “I don’t trust that you have the ability to decide for yourself.” Telling teens what to do is often interpreted as an attempt to control them, and in turn, they may experience a lot of resistance to their so-called “demands.” For example, your teen is getting ready to go out with friends. It’s cloudy outside and you know the weather forecast is for thunderstorms. You can say, “Put on your coat and an umbrella, it’s going to rain!” Or you can say, “It looks like it’s going to rain. What are you planning to wear?” The second statement makes you think; They assess the situation and can come to a conclusion that, hopefully, is rational or adequate. The goal here is to make them think. Remember, we are not born with good judgment. It’s a skill we develop over time, and “suggesting” is an effective way to build your teens’ decision-making skills.
2. Praise good efforts: Have you ever noticed how easy it is for us to see the shortcomings and mistakes of our teens, and how difficult it is to see their good efforts, their attempts to do things right? Do your best to pay attention to their good efforts. One night I was working late at the office. My teenage daughter called and asked what I wanted for dinner. I was speechless for about five seconds (but pleasantly surprised), then replied, “Pasta.” When I got home, I had a hot pasta dinner ready to eat. I started eating and realized that she had added about two pounds of salt to the sauce. I started coughing and had to quickly grab a glass of water. Now I could have criticized her for cooking with too much salt, but instead I told her that I appreciated her making dinner and that it had saved me an hour of cooking time, and then I showed her the correct amount of salt to use the next one. hour. Try to focus on what your teens are doing well and acknowledge good efforts. Praising and appreciating your teens goes a long way toward building their self-esteem and motivating them to do even more well.
3. Plan a Family Night: Plan a night where everyone gets together, either at home or on a field trip, and do an activity together or have a conversation. In my house, our basic rule is that all devices are turned off (TV, computer / laptop, iPod, cell phones / Blackberrys and electronic games). Family night has many benefits: it promotes the art of face-to-face communication (which is fading in our tech-obsessed American culture); You are creating family memories that will last for a long time. and they find common ground with their teens when they play, hang out, and talk together. One family night we played monopoly and during the game we had a discussion about how to manage money and whether it is better to buy or rent a house. We had fun, but it was also a learning opportunity for my three teenagers. On another occasion we played mini-putt and beach volleyball; It was a laughable night as we had bumps and misses and fell into the sand a few times. In the end, family night is all about reconnecting, and that’s priceless!
4. Listen to them: parenting is not just about your expectations of your children; it’s also about meeting your needs. Listening is the way to understand the needs of adolescents. They need to know that you understand and that they are being heard. I’ve always found that the best time to “check in” with my teens is right after dinner, because usually when I get home, everyone is busy doing homework and I’m busy with chores, like making dinner. and check emails. After dinner we start to relax for the day, and everyone is more at ease and receptive. Try to set aside thirty minutes before retiring to bed to ask your teens about their everyday topics, such as what happens during the week, if they need anything for school projects, and how their studies are going. Take time to listen.
5. Talk about shared responsibility (give and take): A major complaint I hear a lot from parents is, “My teenagers don’t do anything around the house except eat and sleep. I can’t even get their room cleaned.” How do you get your teens to contribute and help around the house? The answer to that question lies in having a conversation with your teens about shared responsibility and “give and take.” Teens need to understand that all relationships are based on give and take from both parties. If one person is always giving and the other is always taking, that relationship is unhealthy and doomed to fail. Remind your teens that, as parents, you provide food, shelter, transportation, funds for clothing and extracurricular activities, and much more. Then ask your teenager the two million dollar question: How can you contribute and share responsibility in this family unit? If your question is asked in the right tone, your teen should have an “aha” moment! Wait for an answer; will come. Your teenager will realize that cleaning his room is not that important, and that doing the dishes or throwing out the trash is nothing compared to the monumental responsibility a parent or guardian has to care for a child. As you prepare your teens for adulthood, teach them how to share the responsibility of maintaining your home so they can take pride in where they live and learn valuable life skills at the same time.
6. Share your stories: You were once a teenager. Tell your teens about your hopes, dreams, successes, and failures, so that they will know you as a person, and one day they will call you a friend as well as a parent. By sharing stories, you break down barriers so your teen sees you as a person, not just a parent. Be open and share your wisdom, after all, you are at least twice your age, that’s a lot of experience and wisdom to offer. One day when teens grow up and have kids of their own, those “grandpa and grandma” stories will be passed on to the next generation!