Still waiting for a proposal?

Are you one of the guys or girls who have been in a relationship for a long time without a proposal in sight? You think you have found the perfect one that completes you and you have put everything you have into them! They have become the center of your universe and you would be lost without them! People keep asking, “Are you still waiting for a proposal?”

I’ve been there and this is my story: I dated my current husband for a year before we moved in together. I put it in exactly 30 days after signing the separation papers for my ex-husband’s divorce, so I was in no rush to rush into another marriage, so living together for a while suited me fine. We had been living together for 4 years when I turned 29. I started hearing my biological clock tick in my head very loudly and that can only mean one thing … a baby!

The first time my live boyfriend, Kenny, who is now my husband, heard me say something about a baby, I knew that convincing him would not be easy. Our friends had just had a baby girl and we were visiting them in the hospital maternity ward. My friend placed her precious little bundle in my arms and as I looked at that sweet little face and smelled her baby powder and lotion, I exclaimed without thinking: “I want one!” Well, the expression on Kenny’s face as he took a few steps back and looked at me with eyes as big as saucers told me everything I needed to know. This was going to take some work!

As soon as we leave the hospital in the car, he kindly tells me: “Let’s not put the cart in front of the horse, especially when we are not ready to buy the horse yet!” Then the first marriage conversation began and it was clear that he hadn’t even thought about proposing to her, much less marriage.

I was sunk. I realized that I had spent 5 years making this man the center of my life and I wasn’t even worried about staying in his. That’s when I knew I wasn’t going to wait forever and I started to change the way the game was played. I was no longer going to be the cute cheerleader, I was the player with the ball running for a touchdown, even when I was tackled every now and then, I would get up and start running again.

You don’t see anything change unless you change it. When you start to change yourself, it changes the whole relationship because you are interacting differently within the relationship. When a person changes, the relationship has no choice but to change.

The change does not have to be hard, it must be subtle but striking. This is what I did. I started spending more time with friends and let him make dinner himself a couple of times a week. I did not spend my days off from work, which were sometimes during the week, cleaning the house as I normally did. I went out with friends and had fun.

I even tried my best to talk to men more than women in front of him. Never flirting, just being inquisitive. I know that got his attention a couple of times because he said little things like, “Well, do you know Nick’s whole life story now?” He would smile at me and say something like, “He’s a very interesting guy, but not as interesting as you!”

He noticed the change quite quickly and realized that he was no longer the center of my world. He realized that I didn’t need it to complete my life, I could do it on my own. She recovered pretty quickly and started talking about having a baby and what they would look like. Which was a complete and total change from the visit to the hospital a few months earlier.

Then one day he asked me if I still wanted a baby and I said, “Of course, but I want to get married first, so I’d really like to know if I’m wasting my time waiting for a proposal from you.” He said, “What do you mean wasting time?” Men! Even when you’re frank and straightforward, if they don’t want to understand, they just won’t!

I remember saying to him: “I am not going to waste my time waiting for a proposal, I am a good woman and I will be a great wife and mother and that is what I want, so I guess you have to decide what you want and we will find out the rest from there! “Then I went to go see a movie with some friends. I left him looking like he had been hit by a mack truck!

I just didn’t understand it at the time, but I have studied men and women in relationships ever since and I understand it now. At least for my husband’s type. He’s the type who hates making big decisions. As long as everything is going well, he sees no reason to change it. Well, we got engaged a month after that conversation and got married at 6 months. We have been together for 24 years and 19 of them got married. We have a 17-year-old son who is our pride and joy.

Are you still waiting for a proposal? What kind of man or woman do you have? Do they like that you’re chasing them and that you keep waiting no matter how long it takes? The technique I used to get a proposal could be used for these types of people and for any other type. You will see that when you start to put yourself in the center of your world they will see you in a totally different way. Sometimes it has a dramatic effect and you get that ring on your finger quickly.

You may find that you have more fun being alone and with friends than with your partner. It has saved you and your partner a lot of headaches and lawyer bills. Finding out who you are without your partner is key and it will also show your partner that you are not going to wait forever and may make you extremely sexy.

Sometimes just openly giving your partner an ultimatum, like I did, can backfire and they will get out of your life. So it’s probably best to make subtle changes and put yourself first instead of them. If they leave, you have already become the center of your world, so you will not be totally devastated. Realize that they weren’t made for you and it’s better to feel disappointed now than to waste more precious time waiting for a proposal you will never receive.

If they try to control you and demand that you make them the only thing you care about and do something for, then you really need to know this before you marry them anyway.

You want a marriage filled with love and mutual respect, not one where you do everything for your partner and get nothing in return except blessed by their presence. Realize that you are your own person and that no one controls you except yourself and you will make a wise choice regarding your spouse.