Top 10 Ugly Musicians and Beautiful Women

It’s a fact of life that ugly guys don’t end up with hot women, despite what propaganda movies like Shrek, Groundhog Day, and Jaws II have tried to teach us.

That is unless you play in a band for a living, it doesn’t even have to be a credible band for a country band. So join us as we countdown the top 10 ugliest musicians and gorgeous women.

Number 10 – Gene Simmons (Bassist – Kiss)

This fire-breathing, womanizing, bass-playing “big-tongued guy” claims to have slept with over 1,000 women. We honestly don’t understand how this overweight aging rocker, who hasn’t put out a good record since 1974, sticks around with his long-time girlfriend (and former Playboy playmate) Shannon Tweed, while getting away with everything and everything. every one of the women he chooses (including an Austrian supermodel, famously filmed in the Gene Simmons sex tape). Also, he looks at his hair…he’s 58…how come it’s NOT a wig?

Number 09 – Billy Joel (Solo)

The original “pianist”. In the early days he was barely visible, but unfortunately the years do bad things to people and poor Billy hasn’t aged well. These days he looks more like a golf ball sitting on the rough 5 yards of the green, but not to his ex-girlfriend, supermodel Christie Brinkley, and other prancing rumors, including Elle Macpherson and Dina Meyer.

Number 08 – Kid Rock (Redneck Rap Rocker)

A disgrace for all musical genres that transcends. The country rap-rock “artist” has always been wreaking havoc on audiences while producing terrible records. However, with a history of dating women like Jamie Presley, Sheryl Crow and, most famously, an engagement to Pamela Anderson, it makes me want to grow a goatee and play the banjo.

Number 07 – Vince Neil (Vocals – Motley Crue)

Vince Neil is probably eating pizza, drinking beer, and watching porn as we speak. He is the biggest bum in rock music. The least talented member of Motley has been singing for them since 1981, and though he’s sold more than 80 million albums, he’s also dated Shannon Doherty, Tori Spelling and was even briefly married to model Heidi Mark. Not bad for a man who looks like an overweight bearded woman.

Number 06 – Pete Doherty (Vocals – Babyshambles)

A cocktail of drugs that walks and talks. The only man in the history of science to be partially made of cocaine. Perhaps it’s that amazing feat that Kate Moss found so attractive?

Number 05 – Adam Duritz (Vocals – Counting Crowes)

It’s no secret that Counting Crows is the worst band in music history. Unfortunately for Adam, he also wins the prestigious award for worst hair and worst beard. Although, despite getting him to grow a gerbil out of his chin, he has managed to woo the likes of Christina Applegate, Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox AND David Schwimmer. PS one of these is not true.

Number 04 – Steven Tyler (Vocals – Aerosmith)

Nicknamed “The Screaming Demon,” Aerosmith frontman and ’80s rock icon Steve Tyler is probably most famous for boasting lips that wouldn’t look out of place 10,000 feet under the sea. He may have even written ‘Dude (looks like a lady)’ about his own addiction to plastic surgery! This doesn’t seem to turn women away, though: After ending his 17-year marriage, he rushed into bed with Tara Reid, 28 years his junior.

Number 03 – Marilyn Manson (Vocalist – Marilyn Manson)

The self-confessed “Antichrist Superstar” is the weirdest man in rock. Maybe he goes with the whole “burning bibles” thing that he does to look like one part Dracula and one part Krusty The Clown, but what Evan Rachel-Wood, Rose McGowan, Jenna Jameson, and Dita Von Teese see in him … who knows. ..?

Number 02 – Ric Ocasek (Singer/Guitarist – The Cars)

Now we’re getting into the REALLY ugly ones. To think that there is actually someone in the world UGLIER than Ric is terrifying, surely his wife, Czech supermodel Paulina Porizkova, must a) have a fetish for the human walrus or b) lack vision.

Number 01 – Lyle Lovett (country music singer/songwriter)

Lyle Lovett is an institution. It gives hope to even the most hideous looking men on the planet. The 50-year-old Texan who sings country music for a living was born as unfortunate looking as one can imagine, but in 1993 he married Julia Roberts. Yes, that’s right… he married Julia Roberts. Unfortunately, the couple broke up in 1995, but the damage had been done. Lyle Lovett, you are a king among men.