Before you buy the bikini, understand what the bikini will buy you
Every year around this time, thousands (perhaps millions) of women start to worry about bikini season. Some of us do something about it, like dieting and exercising, trying to make our bodies look more like the women in magazines.
Ever since we were teenagers, we believed that a girl in a bikini gets the boys. The better we look in a bikini, the belief goes, the better our chances of catching a man’s attention. In a superficial way, this is correct. The female form, scantily clad or not, is sure to attract male attention.
However, this is where the power of the bikini stops. While she can attract male attention, she fails to attract male affection. We have falsely expected attention to lead to affection. This is because we have seriously misunderstood the effects of attraction.
Many of the things I have learned about men in the last fourteen years have surprised me. Some have rocked my world. None have excited and angered me more than what I’ve learned about the real effects of attraction on men and women.
Good and bad news about attraction
It seems that there are two types of attraction that affect men. The first type is what we call Sexual Attraction. What makes a man sexually attracted are the things we’ve been sold for years: shiny hair, a shapely body, sexual energy, and sensuality.
This type of attraction makes a man want to have sex with a particular woman. And that is. That is all. This is the bad news about sexual attraction. I was angry to find this out after so many preventable mishaps with men.
Sexual attraction simply doesn’t produce the results we seek in our lives. It doesn’t make a man pursue a woman romantically. It doesn’t make a man call back. It does not make a man consider a woman as a potential mate or make him fall in love with her. It just makes him want to have sex with her.
A woman who is very sexually attractive will get a lot of male attention, but no one seems to wonder if it’s good attention. While I envied the sexy high school cheerleaders, surrounded by guys at lunch, I never wondered if all that attention was fulfilling or enriching their lives in any way. I just wanted it. And I was sure that the attention I sought would lead to the affection I craved. If you’ve tried this, I don’t need to tell you how it turned out.
The second type of attraction we call “Enchanted and Enchanted”, which means to attract by very pleasant qualities and evoke great admiration. This type of attraction makes a man want to spend time with a woman, take care of her, make her happy, protect her, and contribute to her life.
This is the good news about attraction! And there’s more good news: Here’s a list of the things hundreds of men across the country have told us make a woman Charming and Charming:
ยท Self-confidence
being herself
To be passionate
interest in other people
Willingness to need a man, but not to be “needed”
as men
Understand that men are not like women
Appreciate the unique qualities of men.
Thinking for herself
As you can see, what makes a woman charming and charming is just as good for women as it is for men. This is what excited me the most about the effects of attraction. The more you like yourself, the more men want you. The more you can be yourself, the better chance you have for men to know and love you.
The more you enjoy your life, the more men enjoy your company. The more you appreciate men, the more they appreciate you. The more you think for yourself, the more interested men are in your thoughts.
I offer this information in the hope of avoiding unnecessary heartache and suffering. By paying attention to the effects of attraction on men and women, you can approach relationships with more intelligence and authenticity.
You can focus on being the person you want to be, instead of the size you think you need to be. Best of all, trips to the mall to buy that new bathing suit are much less traumatic.