Can we defeat the power of limerence?

I’ve been around for a while and always thought that falling in love was the domain of the very young and somewhat foolish. After all, didn’t I have multiple crushes when I was 15 or 17? First, there was the girl in the office of a mining company where I had my first job. She was two years older than me, but sophisticated far beyond her age. Then there was my friend’s mother, 26 years older. And over the next year or two, a couple of others. Then of course I grew up. Or so I thought.

Once I started having real In relationships, the very idea of ​​falling in love seemed like a childish pastime. That was until recently when I fell victim to what I later discovered is called “limerence,” a much more mature form of involuntary infatuation.

You see, there’s this woman at work that I was attracted to shortly after we met. She is much younger than me and I realized that there was no real chance for a meaningful relationship, especially since I am not only too old for her, but also married.

I would have been happy with a platonic relationship if only I could have spent some time with her and been close friends. In fact, my feelings for her were less physical and more about what I perceived to be her youthful, exuberant, charming personality of hers. And her intelligence. I thought it was great to be around her and it made me happy when we were together.

So I started waking up early just to have her in my thoughts. I thought of her from time to time every day and when I saw her it was as if my dreams had come true… at least when she spoke to me. I couldn’t believe that this young lady had taken control of my thoughts without any knowledge or intention on her or my behalf. That’s part of what limerence is, what limerence does, even for much older and more mature people.

I had never heard of the term limerence, but I stumbled upon it during my research to find a solution.

(See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence for more details.)

My research told me that cases of limerence often last for years. One way to get rid of it is to find another limer object… really no solution at all. I told myself that I am too smart, too experienced and just too sensible for this to go on for years. After all, I was in charge of my destiny. Good?

Apparently not. I have actively avoided contact with my “limerence object” at various social events and at work over the past few weeks in the hope that my interest will simply fade away and I will take away the emotional roller coaster that is limerence. In fact, that made me even more unhappy because I feel like I’m being unreasonable with her as an innocent party in all of this.

Every once in a while, when he walks down a hallway, he gives me a lovely smile and says, “Hi, Robin,” and it touches me to the core. Just seeing her or hearing her voice sends my chemistry into chaos mode.

If I could find something wrong with her, maybe something wrong, that would help me change my mind. Can’t. For me, she is perfect. It seems that there is simply no escape from limerence. It’s a matter of holding on and holding on.

If you’re ever unlucky enough to get caught in the limerence trap, I’m afraid you’ll have to overcome it, too.

Copyright 2006 Robin Henry