Gothic for PC – A perfect 10?

In the early days of my marriage, I made the mistake of bringing the Gothic game into our home. My husband and I were still in that wonderful honeymoon period and I really had no idea that his addiction to games rivaled only Bobby Brown’s addiction to … well … anything other than games . Happily, I installed Gothic, giddy to have found a game that seemed interesting to play and was a bargain for under twenty dollars. My husband had already informed me that he had downloaded the demo and was not interested, so for a few sweet hours, Gothic was all mine.

And then my husband woke up from his nap.

“What’s that?” he asked, looking over my shoulder.

“Oh, Gothic. You tried, remember? You didn’t like it, so I’m going to play.”

“Yes … I remember.” He said cautiously. He leaned closer.

Now, I am not the best player that has ever lived. In my twenty years of playing I have finished exactly one game (unless you count Pong). My love of games is only outweighed by my complete inability to be good at them. Having my staunch gamer husband giving orders behind me had to be a bit stressful. “Come here.” “You should have bought the sword.” “Why didn’t you train when you had the chance?” “You can’t leave camp without pants.”

After almost two hours of this, I finally gave in and let him do it. That was the last time I saw my husband’s face for the next three months. I was so engrossed in the gothic world that I actually began to wonder what it would be like. I took old photos to remind myself. Every now and then I would catch a glimpse of him, running from the computer to the refrigerator and maybe to the bathroom, but other than that, she was a single woman.

That experience was the closest I’ve ever felt to being cheated on.

When he finally won the game, (and then Gothic 2) emerged, a tired lion after the hunt “It’s the best game ever” I would tell anyone who would listen. People got tired of his gothic jokes. They had heard of his heroic exploits so many times that their ears bled. I had to hire people to pretend to be interested, but they even managed to chase them away. For months I endured this, and then on a beautiful spring day, he didn’t mention gambling and I knew that life was back to normal.

That was until a few weeks ago, when he returned from a three-week trip to the bathroom, PC Gamer in hand. “Gothic 3 will be released soon!” he announced cheerfully, flopping down in front of the computer to check its available RAM, and then my world went black. What was it about this game that made my husband disappear so completely that I had to file a missing person report? He had to find out.

Me: Honey, is Gothic your favorite game of all time?

Dear husband: Yes

Me: On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate this game?

Dear husband: 10

Me: Wait? Seriously? You’ve never given anything a ten. Who is the sexiest woman you can think of?

Dear husband, I do not see the point of this question.

Me: Just answer. Who would you say is the sexiest woman you can imagine?

Dear Husband: Okay … Angelina Jolie

Me: (throwing a shoe at him). Okay … okay … but the correct answer was me. Haven’t you learned anything yet?

Disgusting Husband: Oh yeah … I meant that.

Me: Aha … Anyway, would you give Angelina a 10?

Disgusting Husband: Nah

Me: Would you give ANYTHING a 10? A meal, another game? Anything besides gothic? (our love perhaps, cold hearted man)

Stupid Husband: Nah

Me: Okay, okay. What is gothic about? Tell me why you wet your pants every time you hear that word.

Now, this is the part of the conversation that I like to call … You had to ask.

Long-Winded Husband: Gothic is an open role-playing game. You start out as a prisoner within a clear magical barrier. If you go through the barrier you die. You have to join one of the three prison camps. There’s the old camp and the new camp, and a commune-type hippie camp where you sit and stand.

Me: Well that’s an obvious choice.

Stranger Husband: (continues without phases) After you decide which camp to join, rise through the ranks. You can “level” any skill you want. If you want to be a magician, you can be a magician. Do you like archery? You can be a great archer. Melee, thief skills, anything you can think of. You can do whatever you want in gothic.

Me: Can you sit down and eat cheetos?

Perplexed Husand: There are no cheetos in Gothic.

Me: Well no cheetos, well then … is there a purpose to the game? And why are you a prisoner?

Not so patient husband: (exasperated) I just told you the purpose. To become what you want to be. And I don’t know why you are a prisoner. You just are. You decide why you are a prisoner.

Me: Maybe because you ignore your wife.

Smart husband: (silent)

Me: Okay, well, anyway. Say I want to become a non-prisoner. I can do that?

Husband still somewhat patient: Well yeah, I guess that’s the general purpose of the game. But can’t you see, you can be an archer?

Me: So Gothic is great because you can be whatever you want to be.

Dear husband: (nodding enthusiastically as he began to understand) YES!

Me: And that’s it? So it’s basically a clickfest?

Not so patient husband: Well, you can explore too. Part of the beauty of Gothic is that you never stop exploring. Every little corner of the universe holds mysteries for you to discover. And the replayability (beads of sweat on your head) is great! You can replay each different camp following each different race type. It is never the same.

He had the same gleeful look I felt when Target had a two-for-one hot dog sale.

Me: Is the ending always the same?

Exasperated Husband: Well, I guess so. But it’s the journey, you see?

He was starting to feel sorry for the boy. He was really trying his best to enlighten me.

Me: If the ending is always the same, then you really can’t become what you want to be. In the end, you are a puppet, right?

Not so dear husband: No, you are not a puppet. You still have free will.

Me: Anything else I need to know?

Defeated Husband: Well, outside the barrier, the king is waging a war against the orcs. The irony is that you need ore to defeat the orcs. The only place to get the ore is …

Me: Inside the barrier, right?

Jubilant Husband: Yes!

Me: So how do they get the ore if they destroy you when crossing the barrier?

Dear husband: It is a magical mineral.

Me of course.

Dear husband: And people can go inside the barrier and take out the ore. So one of the camps has created a barter system with the king. They supply the king with ore and the king gives them food, provisions, women …

Me: Women ???? Do the women want to go in there, with all the men in the prison? Do you know what you’re getting into?

Desperate Husband: Well, nobody wants to go in there. Target…

Me: How can you like a game where women are treated like a commodity? I bet men are fat and greasy and old too. Correct?

Husband-who-may-have-said-too-much: ……

Me: I bet women have to cook and clean after their “other” duties too. I bet men don’t have hair. Do you know what it is like to be a slave to a bald man?

Wishes-He -n’t-A-Husband: They are not real women you know.

I: ….

Dear husband: ….

Me: Sounds like a horrible game.

Distressed husband: (looking defeated)

Me: Okay, okay. I am an adult. I will go beyond trafficking in women. Tell me more.

Darling Husband: Well the best part of the game is the capes. There is politics and espionage between the camps. Everyone has their own agenda. It’s a great spiral story. It is (wipes a tear from her eyes) the best game I have ever played.

And we had come full circle. Now that my husband says it’s the best game he’s ever played it’s really something. I can’t think of a game that I haven’t played. That he paid homage to this sleeping game, Gothic, really gave me pause.

Me: Honey, do you love me as much as you love that game?

Dear husband: Of course it is. If it weren’t for you, I never would have played goth in the first place.