Holidays and emotional wakefulness: seven questions to create calmer waters

I read a great question on Susan Scott’s blog: “What kind of emotional trail are your conversations leaving?”

What a great question for the start of the holiday season. The emotional wake is the disturbance of the calm waters that we create with what we say, or do not say, and how we react. For some, family reunions are emotional minefields to be negotiated with great care rather than joyous gatherings in which we feel loved and appreciated. Is your vacation one of these extremes or something in between? What do you do to contribute to the emotional tone?

Perhaps this is the year to take a new approach to family reunions. Here are some ideas I’m experimenting with for the holidays:

1. Where do I really want to be? As I evaluate the invitations, I will think about where I want to be, what is comfortable or enjoyable for me rather than what I feel compelled to do.

2. Who do I want to be with? Yes, this sounds a lot like my first question, but it’s a little different. As I think about the festive events, I would like to imagine how I will spend my time. Who am I looking forward to seeing? Are there conversations that I really want to have and relationships that I want to strengthen?

3. What can I bring to the party? No, not material things, although I always plan to show up with chocolate, usually handmade truffles. This is how I will appear. How can I contribute to the success of the event? What will my emotional tone be? What can I give to others?

4. What should I leave behind? This is not the place for emotional baggage. The old grudges of gold. Or petty stories. Gold trials. How will I avoid these things?

5. How will I remain present, aware, and responsible for the emotional tone that I create and maintain? I am not talking about false joy here, but about maintaining a calm and pleasant demeanor; to put aside small and meaningless wounds; to notice the positive; to share love. I want to be in the moment and be aware of the impact of what I say and do in a natural and comfortable way. I want to contribute to joy, not pain, to trust, to love.

6. If I am caught and I wake up, how will I take responsibility? I don’t plan on seeing every word that comes out of my mouth, I want to have a good time and be human among humans so something may go wrong. However, I plan to pay attention, own my statements and immediately explore any mishaps that may occur and listen, listen, listen, and then listen.

7. What will bring me joy? I don’t know, but I plan to wait for it. And I bet, with joy as an expectation, I won’t be disappointed.

I love my friends and family. And I know they love me. Deeply focused on that knowledge, I plan to eat too much turkey, get to know my cousins ​​better, laugh, play train with a young cousin and maybe read with another and celebrate 65 years of two fantastic friends.

I hope the wake I leave this year is filled with bright multi-colored bubbles of joy. And I hope yours is too.