Psychology of a spoiler

“Friends and family who suffer from a lack of abundance, joy, love, satisfaction, and prosperity in their own lives don’t really have to impose their self-limiting beliefs on their experience of reality.”

• Anthon St. Maarten

How to spot a spoiler

A spoilsport can’t wait to walk on your dreams like a four-year-old trailing mud all over your freshly mopped kitchen floor. They simply cannot resist the temptation to kill your ambition.

Have you ever told someone about your dreams or ambitions and almost immediately regretted doing so? You may have been expecting enthusiasm and support, but all you got was a long list of “reasons” why your dreams will never come true, or how crazy and unrealistic your goals are.

A spoiler is usually armed with anecdotal examples of someone they know personally, or perhaps read on Facebook, who tried to do the same thing you did and it didn’t work out for them. You sure don’t want to end up like what guy. Just quit while you’re ahead. Save yourself the heartache.

Sometimes a spoiler will subtly attack your self-confidence. “Are you safe Is this the correct decision? “They will mention how difficult it is going to be.” Gonna take a really long to achieve that goal “.” For that amount of money, they will wait a lot of outside of you “.

Then there’s the spoiler that reminds you why your dream isn’t worth pursuing. “You will not do some money doing that. “They may suggest that you take a more ‘practical’ or ‘sensible’ route. After all, a dream is not worth pursuing unless it is practical, is it?

Then there’s the trusty old party pooper argument: normalcy. Apparently, there is this group of ‘normal’ / mediocre people that we should all aspire to emulate. “Why don’t you get a normal Work as normal People do it? “The problem is that ‘normal’ people don’t change the world. It is the ambitious dreamers who change and create the future.

Because they do what they do

A spoiler is a broken person. Past failures have broken your ability to dream. They are like a child who was once burned by a hot stove and now they are always afraid to venture into the kitchen again. Sometimes this fear is not based on past experiences, but rather on believing in your life’s naysayers. These individuals have been taught to fear change or anything that is beyond the realm of what society considers “normal.” They have substituted fear for inspiration as a guide.

A spoiler allows fear to stifle his own dreams and then project his own fears onto others. They view their ‘rational’ fear as a sign of wisdom and think it wise to give up a potentially fulfilling life while clinging to their ‘just’ and ‘rational’ life of fear.

• Fear of losing. As the saying goes; once bitten twice shy. Sometimes the experience of great loss causes some people to withdraw from life. They become so reluctant to failure or loss that they completely avoid any undertaking that carries a risk of failure. These people often project their fear of loss onto others who are trying to achieve great things. When naysayers rain down on your show, they sometimes deeply believe that they are doing it for your own good. They feel like they are protecting you from the heartache of loss or failure.
• Fear of being alone. Close friends of the suddenly ambitious and inspired individual may feel like they are losing a friend / spouse / colleague. Your ambitious friend will soon stop traveling in the same circles because successful people tend to hang out with other successful people. This creates a feeling of resentment and rejection.
• Fear of being judged. Mediocrity and failure are made more bearable by knowing that you are not alone in your failure. When everyone around you sucks, there is less pressure to work harder or excel. It is the comfort in the anonymity of massive failure. However, when one person begins to climb the ladder of success, he highlights the failures of others. His success, despite coming from a background similar to that of his peers, highlights his comparable inability to achieve the same status and success.
• Fear of death or injury.. Sometimes a spoiler has a genuine concern for their safety. A good example is when one plans to join the military, police force, or become a firefighter. These are dangerous professions and it is understandable that friends and family are genuinely concerned for your safety.

How to deal with a spoiler

When facing naysayers and dream killers, the first thing to do is sit down with them and have an honest, calm, and non-judgmental conversation. Be careful not to get out of control and start accusing everyone of being against you. Find out what your real concerns are. If they are genuine, try to allay their fears by explaining your line of reasoning. Try to find a compromise whenever possible.

If you still disagree with the spoiler after a heartfelt chat, and you still feel like you must pursue your dream, you can choose to ignore your naysayers and move on. You can’t win every battle and you can’t please everyone. At the end of the day, no one can chase your dreams for you. You only have one life to live. Live it to its fullest potential.

Sometimes the spoiler doesn’t really care about you. Some people are just jealous and hateful. It’s okay to completely remove these people from your life. If you can’t do that, at least resolve not to share your plans and ideas with them. Don’t serve your dreams to a jealous detractor on a silver platter so he can trample them all over the place.

So go out there and be cool!

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