Setting the stage for tantric sex
Most of the time, we see sex as a form of entertainment, rather than a path of self-improvement and a spiritual bond with our partner. This is not surprising. Our careers, emotional insecurities, and general distaste for everything that is not immediately within reach do not allow us otherwise. When it comes to real sex, concern about reaching orgasm often overrides all other considerations.
However, tantric sex focuses on very different aspects of the sexual union between two human beings. In addition to giving great importance to also offering pleasure to our lover, tantra and tantric sex aim to break the physical, spiritual and emotional barriers that may exist between the couple.
When instructing on tantra for couples, the goal of the tantra teacher is to bring about changes that elevate the relationship of his students to the subliminal level. The goal here is to strip the relationship of all selfishness and angst, and turn it into a spiritual experience that brings the two partners closer than ever.
A tantra teacher guiding a couple through the intricacies of tantra sex will constantly emphasize that the couple should approach the sexual act with due reverence and respect. This is never more true than when they set out to practice sexually oriented tantra techniques.
The bedroom as a tantric temple
For starters, the transition from a merely carnal to a spiritual approach to sex definitely cannot take place in a common setting. An unmade bed in a depressingly messy bedroom may be fine for soulless quickies, but such an environment is hardly conducive to tantric sex. The bed must be comfortable and the sheets and pillowcases must be clean. Incense or aromatic oils should scent the room to uplift the senses and calm the spirit. Lighting should be soft and flattering to the human form, not bright and harsh in a way that brings out every flaw and imperfection.
Guarantee total and uncompromising privacy. Nothing and no one should distract them from what they are about to do for each other. You are the world of others: the rest of the world must be suspended and eliminated. Turn off all communication devices and also the doorbell. The stage is now set to create an intimate connection between the two partners. You can now proceed to begin the primary tantra techniques that your tantra teacher has instructed you in.
Focus on the journey, not the destination
In tantric sex there is no destination, the journey is everything. At all times, the couple must remember that it is not about reaching orgasm, but about creating, maintaining and elevating their intimacy to an act of loving and erotic worship. The intimacy exercises you will participate in are not simply foreplay, but erotic tantra rituals.
Holding each other’s gaze as much as possible is vitally important. The eyes are the windows to the soul, and as your tantra teacher has told you, it is a soul connection that you are striving for here. You will find that prolonged eye contact at all stages of tantric lovemaking will also maintain sexual ecstasy and energy for much longer than would otherwise be possible.
Don’t rush into having sex. Rather, indulge in soft, gentle kisses for at least twenty minutes. Avoid direct genital contact during this period. If you’re not comfortable with complete silence at this time, whisper soft words of endearment to each other. Communicate your love and care for others through verbal and non-verbal means. If you find yourself swept away by the desire to initiate intercourse, focus on your breathing. Avoid hyperventilation; engage in tantra breathing, smoothly and evenly.
This is the first stage of tantric sex and should not be shirked. Divine sexual bliss awaits you as you slowly progress into the most intense erotic techniques and tantra positions taught to you by your tantra teacher.