Stress relief: 7 minute rule

Do you usually come home from work after a stressful day hoping to relax, but then you walk in and the house is a mess? Do you identify with stacked bills, blaring TV or electronic games, clutter, and whiny kids? Do you wonder what your spouse has been up to all day and questions?

You have to be assertive to be heard, so you start ordering your children and your spouse to immediately come out of their illusion and straighten up. Resistance strikes like a sudden electrical storm with lightning and heavy rain. The tension builds until it is no longer tolerable and everyone retreats to their best method of defense.

Do you find yourself with an “I work so hard all day and nobody cares” attitude?

If you empathize, you may not realize how you may be setting the stage for getting what you’ve got. You may be shooting yourself in the foot without realizing it.

This is one of the most effective ways to change this cycle of madness and tension. It is a technique that, with consistent use, can potentially transform stressful situations into relaxing peace and connection. It’s called the seven-minute rule. Is that how it works.

Consider seven minutes before or after any transition as a sacred space where there is no confrontation, criticism, stern stares, demands, sarcasm, cynicism, or any other negative interaction. Instead, be purposeful in loving and respectful interactions with your loved ones, regardless of the setting.

Let your children know that you are glad to be with them just the way they are. You choose to love unconditionally in that sacred space of seven minutes.

Here is an example. You can set the timer on your smartphone for seven minutes after pulling into the driveway. You may want to post a reminder on your board with a 3″ x 5″ card that says “7 minute rule”. You will take a deep breath and breathe in an attitude of loving connection and gratitude. As you exhale, you will expel any expectations and stress from work. You may want to take three or four deep breaths to get the attitude you need for the seven minutes.

As you enter your home and leave stress behind through deep breathing, you will look into the eyes of your children and spouse and become interested in their world. It’s like you’re walking on “holy ground” in those seven minutes. Use it to connect, appreciate and see the world through the eyes of those you love.

Think of any transition, whether it’s seven minutes before bed or seven minutes when you wake up; seven minutes before leaving home and seven minutes when you arrive at your destination; seven minutes before sitting down to eat and seven minutes after. Any transition is seven minutes of sacred, holy space.

Give it a try for a week (7 days) and see how it works for you. I dare you to try it for 21 days, as that is the magic number that is habit forming.