The power of effective listening

Do people really listen more?

Being an effective listener can be one of the most powerful skills you can have in life. I have found empathic listening to be an invaluable tool in my coaching practice. My clients not only feel listened to and validated, but they also discover that when they apply this skill in their daily lives, it can help them tremendously. It is a powerful asset in your business dealings as well as in your close relationships. In modern society, most of us have forgotten the art of tuning in and listening to each other. We are stuck in our world of cell phones and blackberries as we try to carry on a conversation with each other. Our minds are often preoccupied and conversation literally goes in one ear and out the other. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a conversation with someone where you not only have your full attention, but also feel like you’re genuinely interested in what you’re saying?

The reason empathic listening is such an incredibly powerful communication skill is that it lets the other person know that you are present and interested in what they are saying. According to the dictionary, empathy is a way of “experiencing the feelings of another as one’s own.” When you use this skill to communicate with another person, you are putting aside your own values, needs, and judgments and focusing on the essence of what the other person is thinking, feeling, and needing. you are “there” with them. Your focus remains on the speaker until the person is complete in what he is sharing. An example of this would be: if the speaker is telling you how he just paid off his credit card debt, his empathic response would be something like “That must be a huge relief!” or “You must feel so good!” By acknowledging them in this way, the person feels heard. Many times, the speaker will make a statement and the listener will talk back on the topic. Here’s an example of NOT being an empathic listener: The speaker says, “I just lost 25 pounds. This is the first time in my life I’ve been able to lose weight and keep it off.” The non-empathic listener would respond by saying, “I remember the first time I lost a lot of weight. I was so happy until the pounds started to come on, etc., etc.” This listener has completely ignored that the speakers “win” and has emphasized that they are more concerned with themselves. Empathic listening can be a wonderful tool for increasing intimacy in a relationship. When the focus remains on the speaker, both people share a more meaningful exchange.

Try the following exercise with a partner. Take turns sharing about a topic that is important to you (ie a problem you are having trouble solving, something exciting happening in your life that you want to share, etc.) and pay attention to what the speaker is saying. Maintain eye contact, make comments like “I hear you” or “I understand what you’re saying.” You don’t have to try to solve the person’s problem, you just need to let them know you are being heard. Reverse roles and do the same exercise again. Experience the bond you feel with the other person when you listen in this way.

Empathic listening is about the “quality” of listening to another person. When a person feels that they have really been heard and understood, they feel validated and cared for. By embracing the ability to listen from the heart rather than the head, she will find that her relationships take on a deeper quality and meaning to them.
To book a free coaching consultation, contact Jana Hollingsworth at [email protected]. Jana is a life coach and human design analyst http://www.dreamsnmotion.com